Heart
This pattern keeps the source of action present in the group. It combats the tendencies to blame, scapegoat, and otherwise place power outside ourselves.
Description
Context: The human tendency to place the source of difficulties outside ourselves is strong. This happens on both the individual level (blaming others in the group) and the group level (blaming those outside the group when things go awry). Doing that is disempowering. Instead, we can choose to claim responsibility for whatever our part is in the situation. Doing this can help prevent theorizing and grandstanding, and encourage teamwork.
Instructions:
Variations: Both conveying the concept and doing practices to live out that concept can be done in many different ways. The use of "I" statements (replacing, for example, "You made me angry," with "When you did X specific thing, i felt angry") has been popularized in recent years as one method, and some groups adopt a ground rule to this effect.
The law of two feet (if you don’t feel effective move to a different conversation), calling for a personal stand, icebreakers that bring out values and keep them visible, and exercises that keep the mission and purpose of the group forefront all support personal responsibility.
Cautions & Caveats: This doesn’t mean we can’t discuss surrounding conditions, circumstances, or beliefs. However as we do so we must remember that it is our attitude, beliefs, values, and actions that we can affect, not those out there. If we do change the world it will be by who we are being as we take action.
Over-functioning: Taking sole responsibility, needing to do it all, is an extreme.
Herding: Identifying the common enemy supports mob behavior.
Cutoff: Agreeing that “It's all their fault” makes communication and resolution more difficult.
Examples
Someone in the group:
- Shares how they feel, why they feel that way and takes ownership of that feeling and responsibility for either acting from it or changing it.
- Asks “What can we do?” or “How can I make a difference here?”
Related patterns (what this pattern points to)
How related
Add +pattern relationship descriptions
Other patterns that mention or point to Personal Responsibility
Resources
Friedman, Edwin H. (1985). Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue. USA: Guilford Press.
Gilbert, Roberta M. (1992). Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking About Human Interactions. USA: Wiley.
Block, Peter. (2005) Civic Engagement and the Restoration of Community
Other
Meme: Taking personal responsibility helps satisfy the need for personal efficacy identified in Positive Psychology and the Orange meme needs identified in Spiral Dynamics.
Stage
Stories
In each of these cards is a story about group dynamics that relates to "Patterns+*tform" (add your own stories on Anonymous+Stories):
This story comes from Laird Schaub. One time he was working with a group that was obviously stuck in a lot of blame. Eventually, in some exasperation, he said to the group: "How many people think there is a problem?" All raised their hands. Then he said, "How many of you think the problem is in this room, rather than somewhere else?" Again, all hands went up. Then he asked, "How many of you think that you personally are part of the problem?" No hands rose. "OK," he said, "that's the problem!" And they took the conversation from there.
Nice story. Also an example of how the individuals seeing the whole can help to shift things. Whole System in the Room?
--John Abbe.....Fri Aug 14 13:01:41 -0700 2009
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